It’s pretty much a scientific fact that sexting is one of the hottest ways to connect with someone. (Okay, maybe not “scientific” but you get where I’m going with this.) Whether you’re at the beginning stages of a relationship or have been together forever, a lil sext here and there is a fun way to mix things up.
But let’s be real, the whole concept is pretty broad. Does sexting mean sending photos? Videos? A whole bunch of eggplant emojis?
Pretty much all of the above, says Jasmine Akins, a sexual health educator at CAN Community Health. “Sexting is sending any sexual material (images, messages, memes, gifs, etc.) via cell phone, email, Instant message, DM (you get the idea).”
This means peach emojis, lingerie photos, and the descriptive paragraphs about what you’d like to do to your partner after a long day at work all fall under the sexting category.
Now before we get into what you should be sending your partner, there are a few things you should keep in mind before clicking send.
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1. Always ask for consent
Before you start snapping nudes, Akins says you need to make sure the other person is comfortable receiving your sexts in the first place. “Permission to send, permission to receive, and permission to continue sending and receiving is so important,” she says.
“Bring up that you want to explore sexting with your partner, [and] make sure you are comfortable sexting as well. You never should feel pressured to engage in sexting behavior.” (And if someone is doing that, consider that to be a major red flag and ditch them. Seriously.)
Another small but important note: Just because you got the go-ahead to sext once doesn’t mean you have a free pass to send explicit images at any time (unless that was already discussed). Again, you should be asking for consent every time, and always respect a partner’s boundaries or wants if they’re busy or not interested in sexting at that time.
Also remember that just like any type of sex in-person, you can change your mind about sexting at any time-even if you consented at the beginning, says Akins.
The best way to prevent this is by continuously checking in with your partner by asking them things like “Do you like that?” or “How do you feel when I tell you I want to do this to you?” etc.
Now there are a few ways to ask for consent to sext: You can literally just ask or you can lean into the idea. A little flirting can clue you in to whether or not they’re open to the idea, so start with something simple like “I can’t stop thinking about you” to see how they respond.
It’s important to ensure they’re not only open to sexting in general, but also open to sexting at that moment. Because, hi, receiving a boob shot at work might not be great for their promotion aspirations.
2. Discuss your boundaries and what you’ll do with the sexts afterward
Important things to talk about prior to getting dirty: Will you delete the messages immediately after the conversation or is it okay to keep them on your phone? Will you only sext using a secure third-party app (like WhatsApp)? Is there anything you really do (or don’t) want to sext about? Are you comfortable receiving written texts? What about photos? What about audio messages?
Establish what you and your partner are and aren’t looking for in the sexy exchange to keep things fun and not creepy or illegal.
3. Make your intentions clear
Before going down the sexting path, it’s important to make sure you’re on the same page regarding what, exactly, the sexts mean. Are you just flirty friends passing the time or are you looking for something more?
Sexting is still a form of intimacy, and it’s important to only engage in the activity with people you trust. Being open about what the interaction means will help ensure everything remains fun and consensual. In other words, if you’re only looking for something casual or a FWB thing, make sure that’s known.
4. Double-check before sending anything
You’ve heard the stories—a sext accidentally got sent to the parents when it was supposed to be sent to…well, not the parents. Akins says to always ensure you’re sending to the right recipient and turning off any automatic downloads. The last thing you want is your pics accidentally getting saved—or worse, uploaded to the “family photos” folder on your computer.
Once you’re ready to get your sext on, there are plenty of ways to do it beyond just sending photos. Akins suggests things like downloading sexy GIF keyboards, making up secret meanings to emojis, and using descriptive language to give your partner all the dirty details.
Now if you are ready for some inspiration, feel free to copy any of the below examples we’ve rounded up for you. Trust us, they def get the conversation going.
1. The basic “I wish you were here” (a solid way to get things going)
2. The dinner date
3. The “fluent in emojis” sext
4. The one who takes notes
5. The flattery sext
6. The confused “Netflix and chill”
7. The tease
8. The animalistic sext
9. The father figure
10. The surprise visitor
11. The threesome in the making
12. The woman who wants to give ~and~ receive
13. The anticipating dick appointment
14. The seamless “Let’s bring toys into the bedroom” sext
15. …And another confirming that toys are an absolute must
16. The offer for a sexy all nighter
17. The chair that…needs to be sat on
18. Some much-needed chest attention to get your day going
19. The smirking emoji that loves doggy style
20. The eager planner
21. The role-play connoisseur
22. The detailed texter
23. The bondage pro
24. The person who wants to control your PTO days
25. The looooonnng, descriptive texter (but we stan because it’s actually hot?)
26. The tease who you’re dying to lay with
27. The man who likes to weird-flex his height (but we’re here for it!)
28. The morning text that is literally so sexy
29. The *perfect* way to sext your fantasy of a doggy-style position
30. The “constantly horny” for your eyeballs fetishist
31. A hot-take on how to make the memories sexy
32. This person who knows exactly what you want
33. This dreamboat
34. Hello to only this hot, work-day fantasy
35. The texter that knows brevity is a must
36. Some messages that’ll make you go “yessss, please.”
37. Shower is foreplay only inspo
38. The person who is absolutely marriage material
39. This woman knows WHAT IS UP
40. The person who wants to reassure you through everything
41. The person who isn’t sure if they’ll do all the things they mention in the sext, but just want to give you a heads up
42. The author who would like to write a sexy-yet, very serious—novel at some point, but sexting is good for now
43. The traditional sexts
44. Specifics on how to masturbate, which is actually low-key hot?
45. The Emoji sexter
46. The basic sexter who has put a lot of time and energy into planning